The Lie
by L. Century
Summary: Fenris left that night to protect Marian. But the pull is too fierce, and he can't stay away. Can he fix the mess he's made before she tells him to stay away for good? FenrisxF!mageHawke NSFW
1. Chapter 1

A/N: WARNING! This chapter contains:

Situations involving non-con and dub-con between FenrisxOC.

Light bondage/Dominant M/Submissive F and cursing. If this upsets you, please hit the back button. This was done for a Cheeky Monkeys Challenge that TropicalFool asked for. The challenge was as follows: Give me your dirtiest, nastiest, sexiest Fenris story.

I dedicate this story to Miltonia. Ask and you shall receive.

The amazingly talented Strangegibbon is the beta for this story. She is a wonderful woman and amazing author who puts up with all of my rewrites. Check her work out. I am in awe of every single one of her pieces.

All errors and inconsistencies are my fault as author and I take full blame for.

With that all said, please enjoy!

…_._

_This is unwise. Sleeping with her will only cause problems._

Fenris turned to walk down Hawke's vestibule again, his hand running through his hair in frustration. His and Marian's routine had been simple. He came over four times a week, and she taught him to read and write. Afterwards, she would give him a healing treatment for his pain. He had wanted to see her more, however, and lately he had been lying, complaining the marks were worse to justify coming by to see her nearly every day.

But a little over a month ago, she went to the Deep Roads yet again without him. Thirty-seven days of her absence, twenty reading lessons missed.

He turned around and paced towards the door again, his eyes staring at the long burgundy colored rug he was beginning to wear out.

_Especially if it doesn't work out. I could lose everything I've worked for here. Is it worse to know or not to?_

Fenris knew Marian was back from the trip, because Varric had been in the Hanged Man yesterday. He didn't want to seem needy so he had waited another night before coming by. When he showed up, Bodahn informed him Marian was finishing her bath and would be down soon so he had decided to wait here in the vestibule for her. He couldn't pace as well in the study as he could in the foyer and if he ran into Leandra….no, it was better for him to wait out here.

_I wonder what she looks like naked, dripping wet._

A shudder ran through him at the unbidden thought and he picked up his pace.

_There are plenty of other women out there if I just wanted to spend the night with one._

Fenris groaned at the thought, knowing that it wasn't just any woman that would do. It had to be her.

He rubbed his eyes, feeling exhausted. Fenris has not slept in three days. Not one wink.

Marian was all he could think about. The long black hair she casually flipped over her shoulder, her curvy rear sashaying as she walked, her determined stare when gearing up for battle, the sound of her laughter as it filled a room, her hatred for blood mages yet endless tolerance for the Abomination. The most irritating point about her was the fact that she had also proven him wrong – that mages are _not _all alike. It was vexing beyond belief.

Things had been changing lately between them and not just his excuses to see her more. Hawke had been finding ways to touch him. When dealing new cards to him, the back of her hand would 'accidentally' brush against his. When they were reading together and he needed her help with a word she would lean over his shoulder saying she needed a better look at the page, bringing their faces inches from the other. It had been a slow build but after three years every time he closed his eyes he saw her. Food and drink had also lost their appeal.

He knew, however, that if he wanted a decent night's sleep any time in the near future, he needed to purge his body of these desires and impulses. He hoped one night of burying himself inside her would be enough to calm him and the madness would end. His pacing only stopped when he heard her voice call out to him. Fenris had been so lost in thought he hadn't even heard her footsteps.

"Fenris, what's wrong?" She looked at his face closely, before taking in his appearance. "Have you eaten or slept in the last week?" she asked lightly, undertones of concern.

If only she knew how close she was to the truth.

He needed to get it out, needed to tell her what she was doing to him and then let her decide the course the night would take. He charged towards her so that he was mere inches away, foolishly hoping that just being near her would calm his frazzled nerves. Even in the dimly lit entranceway, he could read her alarm. The glow provided by the nearby sconce cast just enough light on her face for him to see her reactions.

Fenris gazed at her intently, noting with relief her recent foray into the Deep Roads had left her unblemished. "I have been thinking of you. In fact, I have been able to think of little else. Command me to go and I shall."

Her mouth fell open and she blinked at him owlishly. As she let out the breath she had been apparently holding, her lips quirked with that mischievous look he knew all too well. The look that had been relentlessly haunting him for four years now, ever since the night they had first met, if he was honest.

"There's no need."

It was all he needed to hear. He closed the few inches between them, grabbing her, pulling her to him. He needed her close - just being near her hadn't soothed his nerves, touching her might. Her lips were as soft as a rose petal and he was attempting to _be_ soft, not wanting to hurt her. Fenris heard a moan escape her as he ran his tongue over her teeth. The scent he now associated with her filled his senses, honey and lilac. Marian was pressing herself into him, her breasts now firmly touching his chest.

Everything happened in such a blur he didn't realize until too late. She had flung his body into the foyer wall, raising her hands on either side of his head, a smirk playing on her lips. If he hadn't remembered every second that he was with Hawke, that his guard didn't need to be raised, his gauntlet would already be halfway inside her chest. He recognized the feral look in her eyes, her hands were now running up and down his ribs and there was no mistaking her intention.

"Hawke," he groaned, not knowing if it was a plea for her to continue or to stop.

"Do you want to stay the night, Fenris?" Her voice was low in his ear, full of promise and she pressed her body more firmly into his.

He let out a sigh, feeling a painful ache in his groin. He was reaching the point of no return and should have known from the first night he met her that this was inevitable. Some people were never destined for mere friendship.

"Yes," he whispered, his lips ghosting over hers, his hands beginning to entwine around her waist.

The feral look was still in her eyes as her lips curled up in a way that only hers could.

"In that case, take me to my room."

He placed his hands on her rear, lifting her. Realizing what he was doing, she hooked her legs around his waist securing herself, while her arms wrapped around his neck. As he began to walk through the vestibule and into the main hall to reach the stairs, her hands had begun entwining in his hair while the tip of her tongue was beginning to trace down the lines of lyrium on his throat. He shivered involuntarily as her tongue reached the crook of his neck.

He had meant to be soft and gentle. He had wanted to take his time learning her every curve, showing her his appreciation for everything she had ever done for him. He wanted her to know how much he loved her, how he idolized and fantasized about her- how she was everything he had ever wanted. But he felt impatience overwhelm him and he was half-crazed with lust. The question that burned in his mind nightly of just how she would look naked in his arms demanded an answer. Or how it would feel to be inside her, knowing she was giving herself to him. He needed peace. Resolution. And he was so close he could practically taste it.

He came to a halt not far into her bedroom and set her down. There was entirely too much fabric covering her skin and he ripped the sash off her waist, loosening the robe so the tops of her breasts were revealed to him. He tore the material off her shoulders, down her arms, leaving her exposed in nothing but her underwear as the material pooled around her feet. He dexterously unhooked her breast band throwing it impatiently behind him.

His eyes drank in the sight of her nearly naked form as his hand began slowly moving from her shoulder down her body. His gauntleted fingertips gently ran over her nipple causing her to hiss from the coolness of the metal. His hand continued down her side, marveling at the silkiness of her skin under his ministrations, whilst the other was already wrapped around her waist. There were no words for just how beautiful she looked as she watched him expectantly. She was waiting for him to decide what he wanted, her hands at her sides, allowing him to pull her in closer.

His gauntleted hand wrapped around the fabric of her underpants and as he applied slight pressure, the delicate satin snapped in his hands. He heard her gasp as the now shredded cloth fell to the floor and she gazed at him with surprise but her eyes told him just how excited she was. It was her excitement that set him off, feeding a strange sick thrill at the thought of being allowed to be rough with her.

She'd liked being manhandled, so he grabbed her by the waist and spun her around abruptly. The movement caught her off guard and she grabbed the bedpost to steady herself, looking back at him. She stood there, legs apart, and he ran his eyes over her, watching her quiver. It seemed the anticipation of what was to come was undoing her and he would not let her wait much longer. He could at least do that for her, if nothing else tonight. He ripped the gauntlets off his hands and dropped them with a crash, hearing her giggle- a girlish kind he thought her incapable of- as he worked on removing his chest piece. She turned around smiling warmly and she helped him unhook the fastenings of his armor, unlacing his pants and allowing them to fall to the floor along with his smallclothes. He kicked them off his feet at the wall to find her staring, the corner of her lip curled up mischievously as her eyes locked with his again, brows raised, waiting for him to tell her what to do next. Fenris flinched internally under her gaze. Very few people in the world knew what lay underneath his armor and just how far his lyrium marks went. Despite the desire clouding his mind, he began to feel uneasy at being focused on so intently.

His hand hooked around her waist and he whirled her back to her previous position.

"Don't move," he told her, watching a shiver run down her delicate spine. As his hand slid down her beautifully curved rear, he slid his hand around to ensure she was ready. Her juices had already begun to trickle down her inner thighs. There was no preparation required. Knowing he had caused this reaction in her made his erection near painful. His hands cupped her, spreading apart her thighs and cheeks. He slowly aligned himself then thrust upwards suddenly, drawing out a delightful scream from her, a mix of pain and pleasure. Her head fell back to rest on his shoulder.

"I told you to stay still," he growled harshly in her ear.

"As you command, Fenris," she said breathlessly.

He grimaced suddenly as the offhand words began triggering a memory of one of the few times he had not been forced to spend the night with Danarius or Hadriana - instead he had been forced to sleep with another slave.

No! He would not think of this now, not while he was with Hawke. He let out a growl and in hopes of banishing the memories from his mind began thrusting harder. "And you will not speak until I give you permission to do so."

Hawke cried out at the brutal pace he had set, hilting himself into her hot tight core until he felt her front wall. He wound his hand in her pony tail, forcing her head back and her body to arch. The angle was sublime. A mixture of screams and moans were escaping her lips and her eyes rolled back and closed in ecstasy. "Stay quiet or I'll make you just watch me instead," he whispered in her ear receiving a nod in response, her eyes rolling back in her head.

Her reaction told Fenris he had found her special spot and he thrust himself again and again against that area, listening to her cries of pleasure. He could tell it was taking all of her strength to hold on to the post and not collapse on the floor. As his hand slid around to pinch her hardened nipple, the feel of her began to lessen the memories. He noticed how beautiful she looked in the firelight, the dim glow bronzing her normally alabaster skin.

He began to relax, his one hand still holding onto her pony tail, the other now securely wrapped around her waist for leverage….until he heard her shout his name.

Pulling out immediately after hearing his name fall from her lips, he picked up the robe's sash from the ground, ignoring her sudden keen. "I told you to be quiet." he breathed, tying it around her mouth, gagging her. He glanced at her but she merely nodded her head, the excitement in her eyes unmistakable.

He entered her again and continued at the same brutal pace, sliding himself nearly completely out of her before slamming back in. He was sure she would have bruises on her hips from how hard he was holding her, not that either of them particularly cared at that moment. She continued screaming with each thrust, the cloth now over her mouth muffling the sound.

"If you can't behave, you'll continue to be punished."

Grabbing her roughly, he shoved her forwards, pressing her down onto the edge of the bed. Her rear was in the air, calling to him, so he slid his finger in between the luscious ass cheeks he had been staring out nearly every day for the better part of three years. When she did not object, he slid another finger in, stretching her. Coating himself in her juices he slowly sheathed himself inside her. Her pussy had been tight, hot and wet, but this was something else entirely.

Perfection.

Her body went rigid for the first two strokes, then his little mage was pushing her ass back at him to meet his thrusts. He reached one arm around to find her clitoris, rubbing furiously whilst he pounded into her, his other hand gripping her hip firmly. Everything was fine until she gave a muffled scream and then Hawke, her bed, her room all disappeared.

_Fenris was standing next to Danarius in a room that was floor to ceiling marble, the resulting coldness fitting for the people who filled it- magisters. They were at the newest Senator's home and blood mages walked around with wine filled goblets in their hands whilst the female and male slaves stood naked save the golden collars of ownership around their necks. They were grabbed and groped as the Magisters pleased, a test to see who would falter and drop their trays. A slave being beaten as punishment was fine entertainment. _

_Fenris's arms were crossed as he followed Danarius, shadowing him. He stood there helplessly while Danarius bragged about his pet's stamina and endurance and the other Magisters called for a demonstration. A young slave was brought over, her tray was taken from her. The fear in her eyes was unmistakable; the girl couldn't have been more than sixteen. The fact that she still __**had**__ fear in her eyes and not emptiness told him she had been recently sold into slavery. Her master wanted to break her. Fenris did as he was ordered and unfastened his leggings to reveal his length. Danarius caressed him fondly, wrapping his hand around Fenris's shaft, commenting to the Magisters about his girth and he shivered slightly with desire and revulsion. The girl was manhandled up on to a stone slab, the one they usually used for blood rituals, and forced onto her hands and knees. Her body trembled when Fenris finally touched her and she bit down on her arm, letting out a muffled scream as he took her maidenhood. The blood trickled down her legs, sickening him, but he knew what the punishment for not remaining hard would be- not being fed for a week would be the least of his problems. _

_He tried to imagine the girl beneath him was the woman he had seen at the market place the other afternoon. She'd had an exotic look to her, Rivaini or Northern Antivan perhaps. He fantasized that it was her he was driving into, losing himself in the memory. After it was done and the Magisters were cheering his performance he watched her wiping the tears away as she staggered off to clean herself up. "He's positively an animal! How delightful!" he heard one shout gleefully._

_With blood and semen still dripping down his cock, Fenris laced up his leathers and moved to stand next to his master again. _

Fenris didn't know what was worse now looking back on the memory - the fact that he could never express to the girl his sorrow for what he had been forced to do or the fact that he had degraded her by imagining she was someone else underneath him. Even worse, for all he knew that young woman could have been some other man's Hawke, a woman watched and loved from afar.

He wasn't sure if he'd cried out or stilled but Hawke was suddenly in front of him, her hand on his cheek. The gag was now hanging loosely around her neck, her breathing still erratic from their exertion, beads of sweat rolling down her neck onto her breast.

"Is something wrong?" She asked with obvious concern. "Are you having second thoughts?"

At her words the roiling self-disgust made his anger flare uncontrollably. "Why are you allowing me to be so rough with you? Why are you letting me treat you as if you were a common whore?"

She recoiled from him and he regretted the words the moment they passed his lips.

"I -" she blinked twice, staring at the floor, trying to collect her thoughts. "Maker's Breath, Fenris, it's been a little over five years for me. Five years is a long time to have just my own fingers finishing off the night. Sometimes I'm tired of being the 'Hawke the Leader' everyone turns to. 'What do we do now, Hawke? Hawke, I need your help. Hawke, you have to help keep the city together before it implodes on itself. No pressure, Hawke, just thousands of lives on your hands if you fuck up.'

Listening to her so speak so unguardedly, Fenris felt himself begin to calm slowly. He found the little rant fascinating because it seemed so unlike the Marian her companions, including himself, thought they knew. She had never actually complained about the load on her shoulders, not once in the all the time he had known her. He realized both his errors immediately. Fenris had never thought Marian could actually be enjoying what he was doing to her, that she could be happy with this treatment. Fenris also had never realized just how stoic the woman before him actually was in the face of adversity. He had always known how powerful she was, but he had underestimated just how _strong_ she was.

She slapped a hand on her thigh in irritation. "I'm not complaining, because I've chosen all of this and my problems are no worse than anyone else's but sometimes I don't _want_ to be in control of everything. I like it rough and I enjoy being submissive when I'm with someone I respect and trust."

Fenris stood there flabbergasted, not daring to believe what he had just heard. Of all the people in the world for Marian to have placed her trust in, he had thought himself to be the very last one. Could she actually feel this way about him? It seemed impossible that it could be true. That she could hold him in such high esteem whilst the things he had done caused him to despise himself. But then she didn't know what he _was_, what he was capable of. He did not deserve her trust, nor was he the man she believed him to be. What if she knew just how much he was enjoying treating her this way and how sickening it was to him that it was turning him on?

"Hawke," he began, but stopped. "Marian, I don't know how to be gentle with you, to treat you as you deserve."

"And you want to be gentle." Her eyes told him she was looking for confirmation and he nodded wordlessly.

It shamed him to admit this to her but she deserved more, even if he did not know how to give it. He knew that whatever transpired in this room would go no further, he need not fear gossip. Hawke was more protective of her private life than he was. He had asked her about it once and her reply had been 'it's an apostate thing' - he understood all too well the terrible mistake of giving someone too much to hold over you.

Marian held out her hand for him to take. "Then, let me show you how to make love to a woman."

She began walking backwards to the bed and he blindly followed her. She turned them gently and motioned with her eyes for him to sit down. He did as he was told to find Hawke then in his lap, gently pushing him down on the bed, one hand on his chest. "The first thing I need you to do is forget about everything else. The world outside is in flames so there's no need to be concerned about it. Time is irrelevant too because you have as much as you need. Stop thinking and let your lips and hands go wherever they want. Give in to your emotions."

He took a ragged breath. "This sounds dangerous." Everything she had told him to do was the exact opposite of what he did every day just to survive and found that he was suddenly terrified.

"It is," she agreed, "but absolutely worth it."

Her aquamarine eyes called to him, telling him everything her words never had – that she was unconditionally in love with him. It didn't matter to her that he was an ex-slave, an elf, that he was broken, damaged property. She wanted him as he was, needed no explanations. Fenris vowed at that moment that he was going to try and live up to what he thought she deserved, a man befitting of Hawke. Fenris did not believe he was that man presently, but he needed to begin somewhere. He had wasted enough time already with his cowardice.

Placing his hands on her back, he pulled her securely to him before flipping them both over. Her head hit the feather pillow and a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. He began kissing her softly trying to slow his mind as she had asked. His erection was pressing against the soft skin of her belly as his fingers raked gently through her locks.

He began to place open mouthed kisses down her jawline and neck and he listened to her sigh contently. As his hands cupped her breast, his tongue swirled her pert pink nipple. While his hand massaged, his teeth gently nipped, causing her to inhale sharply.

"Fenris, be nice," she murmured, causing him to chuckle into her skin. Her hands were affectionately running up and down his back, gently working the tense muscles. Marian moved her hands in a circular motion between his shoulder blades. It was their signal to Fenris to know what she was about to do. As he moved from one breast to another, he heard her start to voice an incantation.

Looking up he saw waves of blue healing energy rippling off her body, moving to surround them. He was being bathed in her magic, and he let out a sigh of relief. The pain was gone.

"I thought this might help you relax. Your marks have been glowing for a while now," she said softly.

He looked down at his chest to see a flickering to the rhythm of his heartbeat.

Her softly illuminated hand touched his face. "You are unbelievably beautiful."

"Stop distracting me, Marian, I have more ground to cover."

"My apologies. By all means..."

He returned to her stomach kissing his way down, his hands firmly holding her sides. He wanted to thank her for taking the pain away as she did every night he came to her asking for relief. His hands moved to her lower lips spreading them as his tongue began exploring. As he nuzzled himself between the juncture of her thighs, he alternated between swirls, flicks, licks, and gentle suckles. She was moaning incoherently and as she neared her climax, her aura grew stronger, heavy waves of magic rolling over his skin. He could feel her muscles tightening, her hands grabbing fistfuls of his hair.

"Fenris!"

While his nose gently rubbed against her he dipped his mouth so he could taste her, tongue darting in and out. He was forever spoiled, he thought ruefully - no wine would ever compare to the rich flavor of her orgasm. When she'd finally come down, he began kissing his way up her stomach. As his lips moved over hers languidly, he aligned himself again to enter her again. Marian pulled back from the kiss asking, "I don't get to play?"

"Not tonight. I won't last much longer at this rate." His voice was harsh from desire even to his own ears.

He would never be able to tell her that this was a partial lie. The main reason he did not want focus turned on him was because he still felt uncomfortable being naked around her. He was a lyrium infused freak, and now she knew just how far his brands went. He would be more comfortable with her touching him more intimately on some other night.

"Wait," she said causing him to freeze. Marian removed a cloth and vial from her end table drawer. Pouring the colorless liquid onto the fabric, she handed it to him. He nodded, understanding immediately, and wrapped the cloth around his shaft cleaning himself. The liquid left a pleasant, tingling sensation behind. Fenris threw the cloth into the fire as Marian placed the vial back into the drawer. She smiled at him while wrapping her arms and legs around his body.

As he slid himself slowly back inside her warm hot core, the place he'd had been desperate to return to for a while now, he groaned with pleasure and desire. She was too tight, too delicious for her own good. He kept the pace slow, pulling her close to him as he continued to kiss her deeply, something he could do all day and never tire of.

Fenris became aware she was close to her second climax when she began bucking her hips in hopes of quickening his pace. He began thrusting faster in response, inhaling the smell of her hair as her lips left gentle kisses on his shoulder.

When her hands began grabbing at his hair and he felt her clenching around him he pulled her shoulder to his mouth, biting her as hard as he could, drawing blood, listening to her deafening scream in his ear.

She was _his_.

It only took one more quick stroke before he buried himself inside her one last time, exploding, coming undone.

Why he desired to mark her, Fenris would never know. But seeing Marian beneath him, begging for his ministrations, the thought of another ever being with her was too much to bear. To her scream another man's name was unacceptable in his mind at that moment. Spent, limp, he collapsed, his head nuzzling her breast. Not another word was spoken as he felt her relaxing into sleep. He had never felt such peace in his life. There was nothing he needed to worry about, no pain to try and run from. His mind was blank for the first time that he could remember and he luxuriated in the simple feeling of his own breath filling his lungs.

The flashes came so quickly, he couldn't grasp one before it flitted away, replaced by another. Fenris bowing to Danarius, a curtain of black hair falling in his eyes, the joy he felt with his broadsword in hand decapitating an elf before him, pushing a frightened elven woman away telling her, "This is who I am." But the last thing he was left with was Danarius's words haunting him. "No matter what, I will always find you, my pet."

He panicked, realizing what had happened, and gently began lifting himself off of the bed. He began collecting his armor, redressing. He couldn't run out on her before she woke up, she'd come looking for him, and that he thought might be worse.

Fenris stared into the fire, unable to sort through the onslaught of his emotions. He had however, tied the sash from her robe around his wrist, the very one he used to silence her with. It would always remind him to keep his mouth shut, to never tell her why he was doing this. For her own safety, she was better off hating him. He wasn't free, Danarius was still out there and he knew if the Magister was to use Hawke as a bargaining chip, Fenris would do whatever it took to save her. He knew if it came down to it, he would return to his chains to ensure her freedom. The thought frightened him in a way he had never experienced before.

Besides, those memories only proved to him what he had already thought previously that night. He was not, nor had he ever been in his life a man worthy of Marian. She was better off without him. The air in the room was stifling.

He didn't know how long it was he stared into the fire, whether it was minutes or hours, but he finally heard movement behind him.

"Was it that bad?"

His eyes closed momentarily as he braced himself for what he was about to do.

"No, it was fine."

_Don't lie to her about making love to her. You'll be lying to her about everything else._

"It was better than anything I could have ever dreamed."

She looked pensive as she surveyed the situation; her intuition telling her something was amiss.

"Your markings, are they still hurting?"

"No, it's not that. I began to remember."

She kept pressing the issue, wanting to know what had happened, wanting to hear all the details when all he wanted was to flee as fast as possible. He didn't want to keep repeating the lies to her, repeating this drivel. He was leaving for her sake, but he knew in his heart she would never believe him. The way she looked at him tonight told him she wanted to think the very best of him, no matter how untrue it was.

"We can work through this." Her eyes had a frantic, desperate look to them and he knew that one more second of glancing at her would make him change his mind.

He began to walk away, murmuring useless apologies.

As he turned at the doorway for one last look, like an addict needing a fix, he caught the sight of her horrified face, her haunted look.

He was already beginning to harden again at the sight of her naked hourglass figure, her breasts heaving from her ragged breaths and desperately he turned away, his feet unable to carry him fast enough.

The good night's rest Fenris had so desperately wanted wouldn't come for another three years.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Warning!

Mature themes. BWDMSF, Near rape b/n HawkexOC, Isabela being Isabela.

A huge thank you to Strangegibbon. Her hawk eyes for poor word choices and stray commas is second to none. Also an extra special thanks for allowing me to toss around ideas with her to strengthen this chapter and its message. She is an incredible author and you really should check her out.

All mistakes, inconsistencies, and errors are my fault as author.

This chapter and the next fulfill the CMDA Heartbreak Challenge Lady Cailan posted.

Thank you to everyone who has favorited, lurked, and followed this story. A special thanks goes out to those who have reviewed because reading your comments makes my day.

This story is dedicated to Miltonia. Ask and you shall receive.

Please enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~**~~*~*…..*~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~*~*~

Despite all the fears that had swarmed Fenris' mind as he stared into the fireplace on_ that_ night, the reality of what came after was decidedly different. He hadn't thought at the time about Hawke's reaction, nor how her withdrawal would make him feel. It was an unexpected kind of pain - dull, throbbing - a pain that never left him no matter what he did to distract himself.

Hawke wasn't rude to him, or unkind. In fact, she was quite the opposite. She was painfully polite. Always a please and thank you, always a tight, forced smile that never quite reached her eyes. Marian always made sure he was uninjured after battle but would ask him instead of inspecting him herself. When he did require healing Marian touched him as little as possible. She also never allowed herself to be anywhere with him alone any more. Fenris stopped coming to her house for reading lessons and healing treatments. He saw living with the pain as a fitting punishment. He also didn't dare bring himself to her home without the others present. The first time she came to see him about a job afterwards, she adamantly refused to come in whilst he grabbed his supplies. Every week Hawke threw a dinner party for the group and in the beginning he went just wanting to be around her, but her behavior was still rigid, a show of happiness. It got so awkward he stopped going. She should at least be allowed to feel comfortable in her own home, if nowhere else. At night he crouched on her roof, watching over an oblivious Hawke, ensuring no harm came to her or her estate.

He was allowed only fleeting glimpses of _his_ Marian and they tended to be accidental. He had walked into the Hanged Man for their usual card night and had spotted Varric and Marian sitting together. The dwarf was leaning over and telling her a joke. Her head fell back as her unapologetically loud laughter filled the room and made everyone who heard it smile. For those few seconds, the pain stopped completely and like a magnet, he was drawn to her, his feet carrying him forward. It took her a little while to realize that he was standing there and when she did she gave a start.

"Hello, Fenris," she said, forcing a smile, her back now ramrod straight. He understood then that those pitiful few seconds were all he was going get. These moments were so few and far between that Fenris realized he had begun living for them alone.

He began to slowly accept the fact that the Hawke he had fallen in love with was gone or at the very least out of his grasp, and he had no one to blame but himself.

If Fenris had known, maybe he would have stayed and not fled. Every day he wrestled with going to her and confessing the truth, telling her why he left, how he really felt about her. Just as he was about to give in, he would look down at the red cloth tied around his arm and remind himself. He was doing this to protect her. It _had _to be this way. So instead of going to her, he drank himself into oblivion every night, a desperate race to find the bottom of the bottle.

Four torturous months had passed and Fenris found himself angrier than ever at Danarius for also taking this from him. His frustration and anger was leaking into his everyday life, however, and he found himself snapping at Aveline, Varric, and Sebastian. They all seemed to let it slide for reasons he did not understand. She never commented on his attitude or his behavior; he didn't even receive a reprimand. Hawke never looked at him unnecessarily any more.

He shouldn't have been surprised when she found herself a new lover. Captain Ewald was his name. Hawke never spoke about it publically but the group gossiped about it behind her back. Fenris found out from Aveline that this guard did them a favor when they were refugees new to Kirkwall. After they helped him beat down an attack, he searched the town and brought Hawke's deadbeat uncle to them. It seemed that Hawke was showing him her appreciation several times a week. Since Fenris was already guarding the mansion, he took the opportunity to find out for himself, peering in through the sheer curtains.

The two liked to play games, Fenris found out, their favorite being guardsman and naughty prisoner. Normally Marian was the prisoner who needed to be stripped, searched, and then punished for her behavior. Fenris always knew just how stressful Marian's week was according to how rough she'd ask him to be with her. If he was using a wooden paddle on her rear, if he was hitting her across the face so hard it was leaving bruises or if she was being placed in handcuffs chained to her bedpost for hours on end, Fenris knew she was having a rough week. But watching night after night, unable to tear his eyes away as Ewald smacked her and she begged him for more, Fenris realized Marian wasn't the masochist, he was. Fenris hated himself for watching, hated Marian for making him watch, and hated Ewald for putting his hands on her.

Fenris found himself imagining what he would do differently, how he would be touching Marian. If the guard wrapped his hands around her waist, Fenris found himself imagining he would first run his hands over her belly before his hand dipped down to tease her momentarily. When she moaned for him, he would move his hand back up, before securing his hand around her. He stood there always imagining what he would be doing differently with her, and the ache in his groin eventually became unbearable. He would unlace his leathers, freeing himself, and while he watched, he stroked. He could never bring himself to completion, however. Just as he was nearing the end, reality would set in that he was standing outside her window looking in while another man was actually touching her. Self-disgust would roil through him at his behavior, and for allowing the situation to become so inappropriately out of control. Night after night, Fenris was left confused, disgusted, mentally and physically frustrated.

It was during this time that Marian finally hired guards after Ewald pleaded with her to do so. They worked seven days a week, alternating shifts. Although Fenris was relieved she'd finally got herself some security it hurt that she did so only after Ewald's request. Many a night whilst sitting there reading with her, Fenris had argued that she needed to protect herself better. Every time she would dismiss his arguments saying it was an unnecessary expense. He had never had the courage to tell her how much he feared for her safety with the amount of enemies she collected or how it would break him if any harm came to her. Words in retrospect he should have said but never did. The fact that she bowed to Ewald's will pained Fenris in a curious way. The dull throbbing pain became sharp and intense, racking his body endlessly for a full week. It finally ceased when he drowned himself in more wine than usual.

Fenris then spent his time investigating these guards. He learned that two out of the three guards were husbands and fathers, the night guard shift allowed them to supplement their family's income. They had come highly recommended by Ewald. The third however, was a problem. He stared at Marian when she departed from the house a little too long in Fenris' eyes. He was hired because the list of noble families he had worked for in Kirkwall was extensive and impressive.

Fenris had no excuse to come anymore and watch the mansion, but he did so regardless. It was either that or drink himself into oblivion every night. He found that he'd rather watch her- her hair cascading across the pillow, her body bronzed by the glow of the fire, her lips parted, her eyes half lidded. She really was too beautiful for words.

After their lovemaking was over, Ewald would collect Marian into his arms, tenderly kissing her, asking that she heal the marks he had caused. Fenris heard him tell her that the last thing he wanted her to remember at night was tenderness and Fenris wondered if the guard, too, fought to control himself against taking too much pleasure in his power over the mage.

The worst part was that _Ewie_ stayed the night. Fenris found that watching the guard sleeping in her bed beside her was intolerable most nights. It took Fenris a while to realize he was angry out of jealousy that this man had done something with Marian that he had not. He had never woken up next to Marian to see her hair mussed and her face without makeup. But these hurts were merely a scratch in comparison to the pain he felt when Hawke dreamed and called out _his_ name when she slept.

"Fenris, come back," he would hear her murmur in her sleep as she tossed and turned. It was always a double edged sword. On the one hand, he wanted her to get over him, to move on with her life. But on the other hand he loved her, always would, and it was killing him not to be there with her. It was somehow worse knowing that she wanted him there too. He wondered how she dealt with spending her waking hours entangled in the bed sheets with one man, whilst dreaming of another.

Despite this being the case, Hawke was sleeping with no-one else. The nights Ewald came to her were the only nights she was intimate with a man. What _exactly _kept the couple together other than sex, Fenris did not know. It was a question, however, brought to the forefront of everyone's mind after Isabela made the announcement that _she_ had slept with Ewald. Hawke had thankfully not been present at the time. They wrestled with telling Hawke the truth once Isabela was gone, hinting it was to spend another night with the Captain. When Fenris had asked the pirate why she had slept with the guard, she had given him a coy smile and replied, "Because I can."

In the end, they decided to stay out of Marian's affairs. It was a whole new battle for Fenris, however. The desire to come to her every night and ask her forgiveness was now heightened with the desire to go to her and tell her that the man she was allowing into her bed was not worthy of her. The anger he had felt before towards the guard was replaced by cold hatred. How dare he lie comfortably next to Hawke having come from the pirate's bed? As if the two women were so easily interchangeable! The very idea made him nauseous. It was the perfect maelstrom of emotions, making what came next, he supposed thinking back, inevitable.

One night Hawke came home and realized her good ol' Captain had forgotten his claymore, somehow. Picking up the sword, she ran downstairs and Fenris watched her walk towards the Keep. Perched on top of her tiled roof he followed her as she crossed the square and ascended the steps to the Keep. When she reached the top of the first flight of stairs, the guardsman was waiting, however.

"I was just coming by to pick it up. My shift starts now," Fenris heard Ewald tell Marian.

"It's no problem, Ewie. Here you go. Stay safe," she told him.

"Let me walk you back to the house, Marian."

"Don't be silly," she said chuckling. "The estate is right over there. I can see it from here. Get to your post and don't be late."

Fenris heard the sound of lips smacking as the two exchanged a goodbye kiss and Ewald began walking towards the Chantry as Marian made her way back to her house.

Fenris watched as Marian neared her front door, stopping to pluck out a weed near her stoop.

"Hello there, sugar lips," Fenris heard a man call out.

"Hello there too, John. Are you alright?" Marian asked and Fenris realized immediately that the voice had been that of her guard. Where had the other disappeared to?

He watched as she stepped closer to the man, sniffing him. "Are you drunk?" she asked.

"Not nearly enough," he replied darkly as he began to move towards her.

"You do realize you work for me, don't you?" she said sharply.

"Mmm. And a sweet thing you are," he said taking another step.

Fenris didn't need to wait to know where this was heading. He began sliding down her roof, landing lightly on her terrace. The only decision left now was to use his sword or his fist to kill the monster. If he used his lyrium, he would have the element of surprise. He allowed the magic to begin flowing through his body, feeling the lyrium come alive under his skin.

The guard had backed Marian up against her doorway as Fenris jumped down.

"This is madness, John. What has gotten into you? I am your employer," Hawke said angrily.

"After tonight you'll be mine, you little whore."

Fenris's hand shot through the guard's chest as he ripped his heart out and he gave a last gasp before his body collapsed on the ground.

Hawke's eyes were as wide as saucers as she stared at him. As the heart lying in Fenris' hand pumped its last beat, he took a step closer to her. As he offered the heart to her, he studied her face, needing to calm his whirling emotions. If that _bastard_ had harmed her...no, he couldn't even think about that.

Gazing down at the heart in his hands, Marian's expression turned from shock to confusion tinged with disgust. Seeing her disgust, Fenris dropped the heart on the floor, recoiling from her reaction.

As she looked up into his eyes, Fenris could read the question lingering.

_Why did you even bother, Fenris?_

Her eyes moved from his face to look down at the heart now lying at her feet. Fenris still was not in control of his emotions, afraid of what he would say if he opened his mouth. He bent over the body lying on the ground, ripped off the Amell crest attached to the man's belt, an identifier to what family he protected. Fenris clipped the shield onto his own belt before looking at her again. She may not want him, but he would always protect her, no matter what.

Her eyes went from his face, to the heart at her feet, to his belt, back to his face. He sobered when he realized she was trembling.

"Did he harm you?"

She opened her mouth, but closed it a second later, wordlessly shaking her head.

He could read the accusation now forming in her eyes. _You left. How dare you try to get back in my good graces._

Fenris glanced down at the sash tied around his wrist, a reminder of why he could not answer that question_._

"Where is the other guard?"

She blinked for a moment, collecting her thoughts and then frowned. "I don't know."

She looked into his eyes again before her voice softened. "You just used your lyrium. Are you in pain? Would you like to come in for a healing treatment?"

Just hearing the tenderness in her voice, Fenris realized the pain had stopped. He stood there conflicted with what to do. He wanted to go with her to keep the pain from returning, however, he promised he would not get involved with her more than was necessary. But, was he sure she was now out of harm's way?

Marian wrapped her arms around herself, her trembling intensifying. "If you don't want healing, would you mind keeping me company for a little while? I don't want to be alone right now until this is all straightened out."

Her words hit him like a well struck blow, and he knew he would cave. To think of her alone and frightened, Fenris did not possess enough strength to resist her. Fenris nodded wordlessly and though Marian's eyes were still guarded, her face contorted in confusion, she said, "I'm pretty sure I still have a bottle left of that wine you love." As she opened the mansion's front door, he stepped over the body, walking inside behind her. Although the guard's heart had stopped beating, Fenris felt as if his had just begun to again.

He had no intention of leaving her alone that night, not with a rogue guard on the loose. When morning came, he would have a talk with Captain Ewald himself. If Fenris found out he had anything to do with this, the man would beg for death by the time he was through with him.

Walking into Hawke's vestibule, Fenris realized just how much he missed this – being welcomed into her home, being in her good graces. The ache was gone. He was in no rush for its return.

But staying the night, Fenris knew, would present all new problems for him.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Warnings!

Violence b/n Fenris x OC. Smuttiness. Drinking. Isabela being Isabela.

Another huge thank you to Strangegibbon for being the beta for this chapter. She had my deepest gratitude.

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The night had been everything Fenris had wanted, had _needed_. Sitting in the study together, she gave him a bottle of Aggregio and he had wrapped her in a blanket to temper the shaking. He had felt alive for those few seconds when his hand had brushed against her neck whilst placing the quilt around her. Marian had even given him a genuine smile, not one of the painfully polite, false ones he had been receiving for the last four months. As the night wore on and the conversation flowed it had felt as though no awkwardness had ever arisen between them at all, making the last few months feel as though it had been a strange dream.

Eventually when the conversation died, Marian had stood up, pulling a book from the shelf. As her fingers ran down the spine of the book she asked, "Have you been practicing?"

"A little." Fenris gave her a half smile.

She had sat back down with the book, closer to him than previously. As he read, she closed her eyes and listened and he eventually wound his arm around her, the red sash now out of his view, hidden behind her arm. In response, she began moving closer, resting on his chest. After a few dozen more pages Fenris realized she had fallen asleep and after placing the book down, ran his hand through her hair delicately. He breathed in the honey and lilac smell of her hair and he felt that he was _home_.

They remained this way for a while, Fenris playing with Marian's hair while she slept on him. Eventually the position became too uncomfortable, his arm having fallen asleep a while ago. He attempted to gingerly remove his arm but even the smallest of movements woke her. Blinking, bleary eyed, she asked "Do you want to stay in the guest room tonight?"

He nodded wordlessly and she stood up too quickly, swaying from the sudden rush of blood. Fenris collected her in his arms leading her to her bedroom. It was an assault of memories the moment he stepped across the threshold, each step towards the bed was one more flash of _that_ night. He looked up at the window, the very one he'd stood outside for the last four months and realized memories or no he'd rather be on this side of the window- the fireplace warming and lighting the room, the beautiful woman in his arms. He would rather have this then be out in the darkness, peering in with no other light than the pale moon on his back.

Fenris placed her on the bed and she scrambled to pull the covers out from underneath her. Tucked in, he told her if she needed anything, she knew where to find him and she gave him a sleepy nod of acknowledgement before she drifted off again.

Re-entering the study, he picked up the half empty bottle of wine still left. Bringing it to his lips, he realized he had no desire to drink. Replacing the bottle he left the study for the guest bedroom, falling asleep moments after lying down.

When he awoke, he immediately dressed and headed for the front door. Entering the vestibule, however, he saw that Hawke was waiting for him, leaning against the door with her arms and legs crossed.

Her lip curled up in only the way that hers could. " Breakfast first?"

He nodded and silently followed her into the dining room. Hawke disappeared for a moment and then returned juggling three plates of food. She placed two down in front of him before sitting down with the remaining one. Silverware was already present as well as freshly squeezed orange juice - it was enough food for four men but Fenris ate it all. Marian chewed slowly and Fenris could feel her watching him from the corner of her eye. The mood was still comfortable between them, despite the lack of conversation.

When he was finished, she asked, "So, you did fairly well last night but you know there's still room for improvement. Are you going to return for lessons, even if only once a week?"

Placing the arm wearing the red sash underneath the dining room table, he nodded. "Once a week."

She smiled at him, another genuine smile and placed her hand on his. "Thank you for last night."

Fenris wasn't entirely sure what part of last night he was being thanked for so he simply nodded again.

There were still questions to be answered and people who needed to be interrogated. She would be safe at night, if nothing else. The Viscount's Keep would be his first stop to inform Aveline of the situation. If Ewald happened to be there… he grinned darkly at the thought.

He looked down, not wanting Marian to read his expression, feeling slightly ashamed about having such violent thoughts concerning her lover. He saw a glimpse of red peeking out from underneath the table's edge. _"_I should be going now." Fenris stood up quickly and began to walk to the front door.

Marian scrambled after him, trying to keep up. "So soon? Uh would you like some more food, or a plate to take with you? I have these great muffins Sandal made. Believe it or not, he's quite the baker." She forced a laugh that Fenris knew to be fake.

He strode on briskly. "No, I am fine. Thank you for your hospitality."

_Thank you for being near me, for allowing me to touch you again._

As Fenris was half-way through the foyer, Ewald came barging into the mansion, shouting, "Marian! Marian!"

"I'm here Ewald, there's no need to shout."

Fenris did not miss the fact that she had not called her lover by his nickname and he stopped and stood there, sandwiching himself between the two.

"What in the Maker's name happened? John is dead outside, his heart ripped out. Are you alright?" Ewald shouted, hurrying towards her.

Marian went to walk around Fenris but he blocked her path.

"Fenris, what are you doing?" she whispered to him, but Fenris only shook his head in response. What surprised him the most however, was the fact she gave in. She did not fight him, did not try to pursue the matter, simply stood there waiting.

"You have some questions to answer," Fenris told the captain.

"And who might you be?" Ewald asked, glaring murderously at the elf.

"He's my companion, Ewald. John was about to attack me last night and Fenris saved me," Marian said.

"So, you showed up just in time. How convenient," Ewald said, eyes narrowed.

Fenris clenched his fists in an effort to control his temper.

"Why did the other guard, the one _you_ recommended Marian hire suddenly disappear last night?" Fenris growled.

The captain seemed taken aback by the question. "I don't know. There's only one way to find out. He lives in Lowtown."

Fenris knew exactly where the man lived, the information irrelevant to him.

"Did you have any part in this?"

"Of course not!"

Fenris already had the man by the throat. "Did you have any part in this?"

"Unhand me now!" Ewald shouted, but Fenris was already drawing back his fist. The punch hit him square on, Ewald hunched over, pinching his nose as the blood began to stream down his face. Fenris kneed him savagely and he crumpled to the ground.

He straddled the guard. "Did you have anything to do with this?"

Ewald grabbed at his nose and tried to scramble to his feet but the enraged elf began assaulting him with punches. The anger made everything blurry. Was he doing this to protect Marian, to avenge her honor, or out of pure rage and jealousy? With each punch, a flicker of memory came back of every night Fenris had helplessly watched this guard touch _his _Marian to then find out he was also laying his hands on Isabela.

His focus became fuzzy. He was now freely throwing punches and Ewald grabbed at him, his hands finding no purchase as the lyrium began to come alive over his chest. Half-ghost now, Fenris continued his assault while a small part of his mind only dimly registered Marian's pleas for him to stop.

The front door flew open with Varric tumbling in and Marian's hand was on his arm. He looked at her, tears falling down her face. "Don't do this, Fenris."

The rest of their companions entered at once and stopped short, staring at the scene before them.

Varric let out a low whistle. "Well, looks like Broody finally snapped."

"I do not _brood_," he shot back.

Varric chuckled. "Then why are you standing over Hawke's two-timing boyfriend's bloody body?"

The room grew deadly quiet as Fenris watched Varric realize Marian was still in the dark.

"Oh please," Isabela began, rolling her eyes. "You've all known for weeks now."

The pirate turned in Marian's direction. "Ewald and I have been rutting for a little while now. You know, just the nights I was bored with nothing else to do." She looked down at the guard now protecting his face. "Although the shape he's in, I'm pretty sure it's over now. You let the elf trounce you? Pathetic." She examined her nails and sighed dramatically.

"What?" Marian choked. "You two have been sleeping together and you all _knew_ about it?" Fenris could feel her eyes boring into the back of his head.

"Kitten, it was just for fun. It didn't mean anything," Isabela said.

Ewald tried to speak, but his face was too swollen for words to make sense. Fenris looked up to see Varric staring at Isabela in disbelief, Anders staring at the floor, Aveline fascinated with her belt buckle, and Merrill contemplating the ceiling.

"Fenris, get off him," Marian snapped.

He stood up, stepping aside to watch Marian walk over to him. No one spoke a word as they watched her re-align the guard's nose and heal his face. With a few waves of her hand, Marian had undone all the damage Fenris had inflicted on him. She held her hand out, helping the guard to his feet. As he opened his mouth to speak, she ripped a chain from his neck from which a key dangled.

"Get out. I never want to see you in my home again." Her voice was eerily low, devoid of emotion.

Despite all the sins Fenris had committed against Marian, he had never heard such a ring of finality as he did in her words to the guard.

Ewald must have heard them too as he shouted, "You're not angry with him, that maniac? Who's to say that freak wasn't part of this attack?"

"Fenris is_ not_ a freak," she said distantly. "Who are you to come into my home and call my companions names? He has nothing to do with this attack. Leave now."

Furious, Ewald stormed out of the mansion.

Marian turned to Fenris. "Are you hurt?"

He shook his head in confusion. With the key she had ripped off Ewald's neck still in hand, she turned to the group. "You can all see yourselves out."

She turned and walked up to her room.

…

None of the group saw Marian for two weeks. Following her, Fenris realized she had fired all the guards. Aveline opened an investigation of what had happened that night, but it was dead ends. The second guard had slipped into a back alley to relieve himself and had no idea what John intended to do. He told the story over and over to all the guards and authorities that asked. Marian fired him regardless with severance pay as well as the other. They would never be replaced and no one dared bring the topic up with her again.

From his vantage point on her terrace, Fenris knew she was drinking heavily. After two weeks of watching, he knocked on the door and she answered. Seeing his face, however, her eyes narrowed into accusatory slits. "What do you want, Fenris?"

"To talk."

"Funny seeing how big you are on _not_ talking. Very well, come in."

They walked to the study, where Marian poured herself another drink.

"Would you like one?"

He shook his head not wanting to drink around her. His willpower had been deteriorating all too rapidly lately concerning this woman.

"So, what would you like to talk about?" she asked, taking a sip from her glass, her eyes looking everywhere but at him.

"Don't do this to yourself. He wasn't worth it," Fenris said and for the first time he elicited a real reaction from her. She glared at him, her eyes sparkling with anger.

"I'm not drinking because of Ewald, Fenris."

"Whatever reason you are drinking for, you shouldn't," he replied taking a step closer to her.

He could tell that he had hit a nerve as her eyes sparkled more brightly and she scowled at him.

"Tell me, Fenris, do you enjoy wearing around your 'I fucked Hawke' trophy? Do you enjoy constantly rubbing in my face that I was a fool for thinking you would stay, when all you were interested in was a cheap thrill? Do you enjoy humiliating me_, _first with the armband then with _not_ telling me about Ewald? I'm _sick_ of you trying to embarrass me in revenge for what every mage has ever done to you! I thought you and I had finally reached an agreement, an understanding. My proclivities in the bedroom are odd, but I thought you'd be a perfect fit. You could dominate me and fantasize about controlling and hurting a magister in a healthier way. We'd both get what we needed. But then I realized halfway in you weren't alright with things. We talked and after everything seemed okay. But then afterwards you bolted, leaving me naked and confused and _alone_."

Fenris stood there for a moment too shocked for words. Marian wasn't given to melodrama, although the wine could be contributing. She couldn't actually believe he deliberately wore this sash to hurt her? It did explain the iciness, however. And, lastly, she had _encouraged_ him to hurt her that night?

As the shock wore off, anger took its place.

"I do not wear this to upset you. Tell me, though, if _I _was the one to tell you of Ewald, would you have believed me? Why would you knowingly put yourself in harm's way if you _knew_ I would not be able to keep from hurting you?

She seemed taken aback by his response, her eyes blinking furiously, scowl still in place.

"Because I knew who you were before we entered that bedroom. I knew you had demons in your past so horrific you might never have spoken about them to me. I accepted all of that years ago."

"You had no idea what you were meddling with, Marian! You have no idea how far I might have gone!"

She gave him a snort. "You wouldn't have harmed me."

He stood there clenching his fists, too angry to even articulate his words.

"What should I have done, Fenris? Before we entered the bedroom, should I have sat you down and explained everything I liked and disliked? I would have never gotten you in there! I waited for three damn years!"

He raised an eyebrow, his hands still clenched.

"Since the first night we met, I wanted you," she said in a pained whisper. Marian stared into the fireplace and waited until her breathing to returned to normal, while Fenris was still too surprised to say anything coherent.

"Why do you wear that sash?" she asked before continuing, "I do not believe you that it is not to embarrass me."

Fenris gazed down at the piece of cloth and said nothing.

"That's what I _thought_!" she screamed, placing down her glass and moving towards him.

Her proximity was affecting him, he could feel the heat from her body and his own responded. He could smell lilac and honey and sighed with something like relief. She grabbed at the sash on his wrist, ripping it off. The fabric floated to the floor and he looked up at her.

"Just because you had me for a night, Fenris, does not give you the right to think you can continuously humiliate me!" she screamed, jabbing her finger into his chest.

As the sash lay on the floor, and Marian stood before him, Fenris lost the last of his willpower. Her contempt was intoxicating. He would rather her hate him and scream at him then return to that icy indifference. He needed more.

He grabbed her by the shoulders roughly slamming her into the wall. Her eyes sparkled brightly, even as her face screamed indignation.

"Naughty mages should be punished for their outbursts," he said in her ear before nipping her earlobe. She froze and then moaned loudly, her body pressing harder into his. Hiking up her robes, he lifted her and with one hand. He cupped her rear; the other fumbling at his leathers. After freeing himself, he hooked her smallclothes, moving them to the side as she wrapped her legs around him. He grabbed her wrists bringing them over her head and his lips sought hers as he entered her teasingly, allowing her only the tip and she groaned into his mouth as they kissed. The shallow thrusts were causing her to moan more loudly, her breathing becoming ragged. He continued to torture her focusing intently on his task, driving her to near insanity with desire.

As the teasing continued, Marian's languid kisses turned frantic, nipping at his lips in frustration, hoping that with her mouth and tongue alone she could throw Fenris over the edge. He would not end this game so easily however, because _his_ needs were too great. Fenris needed her to need _him_, he wanted her to want him as much as he did her. It wasn't enough anymore to be allowed into her home; he needed to permeate every fiber of her being. She needed to feel that she could not live without him, the same as he felt every night watching her with another.

"Fenris, please, I'm begging you," she finally screamed. To hear her words, her voice ill-concealing her need, he pressed her for more.

"What is it that you need, my little mage?" he whispered in her ear.

"You inside me, please, now. I need you completely inside me. Now." Her voice was desperate.

"Very well." He smirked.

He hilted himself inside Marian as she screamed into his ear, her back arching. He set the same brutal pace as the first night, mercilessly pounding into her, as his hand unhooked her leg from him, travelling down her thigh. Although the pace was frantic, their rhythm was easily found as he slid her up and down the wall, their mouths still devouring each other.

What Fenris had never planned on was Marian changing the game.

With her now free leg, she kicked off the wall, sending the two careening. Landing on the floor, Marian climbed on top of Fenris, unfastening his armor with inhuman speed.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I don't want part of you; I want all of you, Fenris. I need more." She didn't even bother hiding the wanton in her voice.

Fenris allowed her to continue stripping him, as he realized he now had what he needed, her desperation.

Throwing the armor aside, she pulled up her robes and began to ride him. His hands ripped the ribbons of her corset. With that undone, he yanked strongly at a seam and tore her robe off. Throwing the dress aside, he pulled away her breast band but decided to leave her smallclothes just where they were.

She continued to ride him, her body arched, her hands on his chest while his hands ran over every inch of her silky skin. He finally dipped his hand down, rubbing her pearl, causing her to scream louder, her pace increasing. With every roll of her hips, Marian took away one more day of the pain that had made up the last four months of his life. As she continued, he was made whole, those months nothing more than a bad dream. She was clawing at her own skin at this point, her need for release near painful, as he continued stimulating her.

The release came a moment later as she screamed his name so loudly he was sure the neighbors heard.

Pulling her down on to him, he took her nipple into his mouth, causing her to clench down again. Flipping her onto her back, Fenris sucked on a nipple, driving into her, hoping to prolong her ecstasy. At this her eyes rolled back and her body quivered underneath him as shorter, sharper peaks continued to hit her. Hooking her legs over his shoulders, Fenris continued his pace, feeling himself nearing his limit.

The flickers of memory began - longer than before. Bowing to Danarius as he placed the edge of a sword on Fenris' back, decapitating the elf in front of him to clapping and shouts of "And we have our winner!" Pushing a red headed, green eyed elf away who was begging him not to put his life in danger.

"This is who I am," he told her.

He finally came with a force so strong, it caused Marian to orgasm again as well. He rested his head on her breast unable to hold himself up any longer, trembling. She tenderly played with his tresses, a very soothing sensation. As the high of ecstasy wore off and Fenris looked down at Marian, realization hit him.

In one moment of weakness, he had allowed the last four months of his life to become meaningless. He had stayed away to protect her, to make sure no one used her against him. His own weakness was causing her harm, causing him to put her in danger again. The self-disgust rolled through him as he began pulling his leathers on and he could feel her glaring at him as he frantically dressed. From the corner of his eye, he watched her stand, picking up her torn robes and undergarments. She began walking to the door. Refusing to look at him, she paused, throwing the words over her shoulder. "Don't let the door hit your arse on the way out, Fenris."

He looked up to watch her head up the stairs and heard her bedroom door click shut. Fully dressed, he picked up the red sash from the floor, tying it back on his wrist. Feeling his willpower firmly back in place, he had a sinking feeling it didn't matter. Everything he had just achieved in the last two weeks he knew he had just lost.

Picking up the half-full bottle of Aggregio still sitting on the table on his way out, Fenris left the mansion.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N:Warning: Cursing, Isabela,and...I think that's it.

Thanks again to Strangegibbon for not only helping me with the blank scenes in my mind, but for doing a fantastic editing job.

Sorry for the delay, RL is beating me senseless lately.

...

They had become blissfully busy since the night Fenris had walked out on Marian for the _second_ time. She was inundated with jobs and companion requests. Lately, however, after the day was said and done, Hawke had been spending more time in the clinic.

Anders was the first to apologize to Hawke for the 'Isabela incident' much to Fenris' dismay listening in outside the clinic doors. Fenris was not surprised by Marian's quick acceptance of his apology; the two mages had always been close friends from the beginning. Anders would do something atrocious like lose control and Marian would be left dealing with Justice. When Anders came back from wherever it was he went to he'd tell her how sorry he was and Hawke would always forgive him. It had been that way since the very beginning.

"Marian, I apologize for not saying anything about Isabela and Ewald. I just didn't think you'd believe me," Anders said.

"Why wouldn't I believe you? Anyway, it's…well, whatever, it's over, and I accept your apology."

"Do you miss him?"

"I miss parts of him, but not all of him. I do miss someone being there, though. I hate the loneliness."

"May I ask why you were seeing him?" Anders asked.

"It's complicated and I'm sure you'll think less of me if you knew so let's just leave that answer be."

"Does this have to do with the marks around your wrists and the constant bruising over your body?"

"How do you-" Marian started.

"Healer."

There was a deafening silence between them.

"Marian, you don't have to be ashamed. Not with me."

Fenris heard her sigh. "I choose partners that enjoy being in a dominant/ submissive relationship. I can't enjoy sex any other way. In the last year, things have gotten more intense with how far I push them. It redirects the pain, and I feel normal again for a while."

Another bout of silence fell between them.

"You know there are magical ways of creating illusions of pain to different body parts without actually inflicting the damage on yourself."

"Really?" The curiosity and optimism in her voice was frightening for Fenris to hear.

"Yup. I had a friend like you back in the Circle. He experimented with different techniques and found quite a few that worked for him."

"Then I guess I need to find a mage who won't mind tying me up, playing with my mind, then sleeping with me." There was a teasing lilt to her voice. Fenris recognized it, because he loved when Marian would use it on him.

"Marian, you shouldn't attempt that with just anyone. You need someone you trust." Fenris noted the edge of raw panic in the Abomination's voice.

"You're right. Do you know of anyone? Perhaps someone in the Mage Underground?"

"Do you think you're ready?" he asked.

"I can't spend my life looking backwards. How do you ever know if you're ready?"

"I think when you are you look at the person and you just know that there's nowhere else you'd rather be. Then you know you're ready."

Before the conversation could continue, a patient arrived with a broken arm effectively ending the conversation. Fenris stood there in disbelief, hiding in the shadows. Was she propositioning Anders or asking him to find someone for her?

After Anders became Marian's confidante, she began spending more time at the clinic, lessening her visits to the Hanged Man. Sometimes she helped with patients but many nights she stayed and talked long after clinic hours were over. Sometimes she brought large books with her that Fenris wondered how she was even able to carry, other times she brought plates of food. She was laughing more lately, however, her voice drifting towards him outside the clinic doors.

Two months later and far too many nights outside that Darktown clinic, Fenris listened to Anders and Marian have another curious conversation.

"Were you able to find anything?" Marian asked.

"Hawke, I-"

"Please don't lie to me, Anders. Whatever it is, just tell me."

Anders let out a long shaky breath. "Hawke, there's no cure. It will continue to get worse. I've been able to find a combination of herbs and elixirs that can stave off the degeneration for years. If you keep coming to the clinic and allow me time I might be able to find a way to rebuild that side though. I have a few theories I'd like to try out. The problem is I'll have to call on Justice and use his power. I don't know if you'd be safe dealing with him."

"How much time will the herbs give me?"

"At most five years."

"I'm fine dealing with Justice. Tell me what you need for the treatment. I also insist on paying you for the healing, a finders' fee for the ingredients and for all of the supplies down to the last copper."

"Hawke-" Anders began to protest.

"It's not up for discussion. You will be paid. I can't thank you enough for this. I'll never be able to repay you properly, but I'll keep trying. If Aveline should ask, you've found a cure. As for the others, nothing is wrong with me," her voice broke at the end. "I should get going."

Fenris was positive he heard the sound of lips smacking. Did she just kiss him?

"Marian," Anders' voice grew tender and Fenris feared what he was missing. "You're afraid. You don't have to hide your feelings from me. Come here."

The sound of sobbing could be heard and a gentle hushing sound. Anders was comforting her, telling her how confident he was that one of his theories would heal her for good.

Hours later, Anders finally suggested that they get comfortable and Marian agreed.

Fenris waited all night for Marian to leave the clinic. She never did. It would be another month of stewing before Fenris would explode on her.

…..

The Wounded Coast was pleasant this time of year, the last hoorah for summer with the beginning lickings of Autumn. The weather was sunny but with the tiniest breeze; perfect weather really for camping outside. Today a group of raiders known as Evett's Group or Evett's Bandits, something to that effect, was wiping out groups of patrolmen and Aveline had asked for Marian's help in the matter. So Marian came by with that fiery look in her eyes that Fenris was learning to love (anything was better than the icy indifference), and said, "Aveline asked for help killing bandits. Are you interested?"

He watched as the mask of indifference came over her face. It was neither a smile nor a frown, rather a 'I'm bored here. Can you get on with it, so I can leave' expression- except for her eyes, burning with indignation as if his very existence was an offense. Oh how he _loved _it.

It was problematic, however, that he fought every second not to grab her and kiss those wine colored, pursed lips just to see those eyes burn even brighter. It didn't help matters that as busy as she had become recently she always stopped by his house to see if he would come. When he wasn't with her for a job, he was following her in the shadows watching her. When he slept, he dreamt of her. There was hardly any reprieve from the desire taunting him. She had become his own personal desire demon.

They were down to the last few bandits. It should have been simple.

Marian cast a sleeping spell, and the handful left stood there, dropping their swords, snoring where they stood.

Fenris and Aveline rushed forward to take advantage of the opportunity. Varric was beside Marian, peppering the targets with arrows.

"We have to finish this up soon, I'm almost out of mana," Marian warned.

Aveline slammed her shield in an arc, knocking the bandits to the ground. Fenris began killing them one by one, thrusting his sword into their midsections, ripping them apart, Aveline following suit.

"Shit, I'm out of arrows," Varric shouted.

Fenris twisted his sword out of the last bandit, saying, "It's over."

Where the last bandit came from, none of them knew, but he suddenly appeared next to Varric. Marian moved between the dwarf and the bandit, casting a shield over herself. With her nearly depleted mana, however, the shield was slow in covering her. Flashing daggers sliced through her ribs, puncturing her lungs.

Fenris flew in her direction, hearing her blood curdling scream. Even after receiving his lyrium brands, he had never been able to move as quickly as he did then. Before the bandit could finish off Marian or move onto Varric Fenris was there, decapitating him.

Before his head had even hit the ground, Fenris had dropped to his knees. He unbuttoned a compartment on Marian's belt, taking out a vial of lyrium that he knew would be there. Uncorking it, he poured it down her throat.

"Heal yourself!" he shouted so loudly it caused the dwarf to jump.

She was shaking, but placed her hands on her chest. He watched the green, blue, pink, and brown colors of energy leave her hands and enter her body.

After what felt like an eternity, she sat up, her breathing slightly labored.

He sighed with relief. She was alive. What if she hadn't healed herself? What if she had died right in front of him?

She finally stood up, brushing the sand off her hands. "Well, that was kinda close," she said, smiling widely as if her life hanging in the balance was a big joke.

He was furious.

"What were you thinking stepping in front of Varric? I don't see you wearing armor or carrying a sword. You're no warrior. What were you thinking taking that hit? You should leave the close quarter fighting to others."

Aveline and Varric grew deadly silent as Marian's eyes lit up.

"This is battle, people get hurt. I don't need _you_ to reiterate that for me. I may not be a warrior," Marian stalked over to him, shoving her finger in his chest, her voice dropping dangerously low. "but you're no gentleman."

"You nearly died." He strove to sound annoyed, but even he could hear the accusation in his voice.

_You nearly left me permanently._

He was defending himself. Her sin was a bigger atrocity than Fenris slipping out of her estate post-coitally.

Her eyes flashed again and he knew she understood.

"And how many times have I healed you or brought you back from the brink? I can't even remember how many. You don't care that I'm fighting when I'm killing slavers or Magisters. Where do you get off telling me now I shouldn't be fighting?"

Their lips were so close he could feel her breath on his face. Before he could do something else that he would regret, he turned away. He could tell their companions were bewildered, not understanding the double meaning of their argument.

After several steps, he heard her ask in the acerbic tone reserved seemingly only for him, "Tell me, Fenris, do you like the robe I'm wearing?"

He worked hard to keep from smiling. Turning around, he nodded, keeping his expression neutral. "It seems suitable for the task, although not as efficient as armor."

"You son of a bitch," she stormed over to him, and he worked on keeping his face neutral. Before she could strike him or get another word in, Varric was there hands out between them.

"This is getting us nowhere and we're losing daylight. Hawke's fine, the job is over. Let's loot the bodies and set up camp," the dwarf said.

"Fine," Marian shot back, her gaze never leaving Fenris'. Her eyes turned to slits and she scowled before keeping herself from storming off. Fenris could see she restrained herself and merely walked away with a bit more emphasis than normal. As soon as she was at a fair distance, he chuckled. With the dwarf beside him, he began to collect the valuables.

This was Marian's new ploy in hopes of getting under his skin. The robe in question was the same one he had ripped off her that night in her study. He knew for a fact that she had at least ten other robes and enough money to buy countless more. The fact that she had it repaired and wore it constantly around Fenris spoke volumes.

Aveline was setting up camp, the sun dipping low on the horizon, when Marian joined her, helping put out blankets for the evening. Varric was busy picking up pieces of driftwood to make a campfire. Fenris began helping quietly.

He turned in Marian's direction to find her away from the camp site. Looking closer he could see bluish wisps coming from Marian's hand. She seemed to be healing herself and Fenris realized her right hand was shaking.

"Elf, come sit down and eat," Varric said, pulling Fenris out of his train of thought.

He sat down next to the dwarf working on creating a fire. As he rubbed the flints together to create the spark, Marian walked over to the fire which suddenly began burning brightly. When he looked up at her, she smirked and he replaced his flints, cursing under his breath. With the fire now started, they all sat down and ate the smoked meat Marian brought with her.

Sitting at the campfire, Fenris heard Varric eventually whisper, "Thanks for stepping in back there. I owe you."

Hawke gave him a wide smile that reached her eyes. "For you, anytime."

When the night seemed over, and Varric laid down for the night, Marian walked off a little and Fenris could see the bluish wisps emanating from her hand. Aveline walked over to Marian and Fenris strained to listen in.

"It seems to be getting worse," Aveline asked in a tone that did not hide her worry.

Marian shrugged. "Seems about the same as last year."

Fenris knew Marian was lying, her voice always rose when she did. It was a dead giveaway.

"And Anders hasn't found anything?"

Marian continued healing herself, leaving the guardsman's question unanswered.

"Hawke-" Aveline began rubbing her forehead, seemingly at a loss.

Marian turned to her, putting her hand on the guardsman's shoulder. "Aveline, everything is fine. I appreciate your concern, but it's unnecessary. Anders has found a cure. Some of the ingredients are difficult to obtain, so it's taking him a while. But, I'll be better than I was before."

Listening to her statement, Fenris knew this was a lie. Anders had said no such thing. Whatever the reason, it seemed Marian was attempting to appease Aveline.

"He can cure you? You'll be good as new?" The guard asked, surprise and relief in her voice.

Marian smiled, nodding in reply.

"So, are you going to go meet that noble like your mother asked?" Aveline asked.

Marian groaned. "Not you too. Are you two in cahoots to bring about my demise?"

Aveline laughed easily at that adding, "I checked him out. He has no complaints or records ever written against him. The neighbors have also said he's low key."

"You checked him out? I guess that's really sweet in a disturbing way. I'm just not really interested in courting again."

"Not interested or not ready?" Aveline asked.

"Both."

The silence seemed to go on a while between the two, Aveline staring at her feet while Marian was focused on her healing. Aveline sighed. "Marian, I'm sorry for not telling you sooner about what Isabela was doing, but I-"

Marian cut her off. "No need to apologize. I understand. You were in a difficult situation. Ewald was under your command and I am your friend. It put you in a very awkward position. What's done is done. It's over."

Aveline let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you for understanding. For what it's worth, he seems really broken up about it…" Aveline's expression filled with anger, "as he should be."

Marian offered a small smile whilst continuing to heal herself.

Aveline continued asking, "Have you shouted at Isabela yet?"

Marian's hand was still running up and down her side. "She's not worth it."

A small smile crept on the guardsman's face. "I would pay to watch her pummeled."

Marian shook her head, smirking. "I'm going to bed."

Watching Marian settle, Fenris waited until he was sure she was asleep. Walking over to Aveline, he asked, "What's wrong with her?"

Aveline stood straight, seeming bristled by his question. "She's fine."

"Don't feed me those lies, Aveline. I heard you two talking. Something is wrong with her."

Aveline's hands folded over her chest, her eyebrow raised. "You're terribly interested in her affairs suddenly. Any particular reason?"

"It's complicated."

"Answer my question." Her arms were still crossed, her expression severe.

"Venehedis! This is pointless!" Irritated, Fenris walked off to his bedroll.

Lying down, he heard Aveline say, "Whatever you've done to anger her, fix it, Fenris. Make it right."

He closed his eyes and blocked all sound out as he tried to sleep.

…

It was a week later, and the night of their card game. Entering the Hanged Man, he saw Varric and Marian before him. He was leaning over, telling her something and she was rewarding him with that beautiful laugh of hers. He sat down next to Varric, who nodded in his direction before going back to finishing his conversation with Marian. The barmaid came around and Fenris ordered a glass of wine. When the drink came, he paid her the money plus tip and took a sip of the vinegar to hear another boisterous laugh come from Marian.

She turned to him, her eyes changing from calm to fiery, her vitriolic tone back in place. "Hello, Fenris."

He bowed sitting down, and she turned away, ignoring him.

"Don't look now, but someone's come to stalk you," Fenris heard Varric whisper.

He looked at Marian to see her eyes peer up fractionally. Fenris followed her gaze to see Ewald had entered. He walked over to the bar buying himself a pint, then across the room to a chair with a direct view of Marian.

"What in the Void is he doing here? He _hates_ this bar."

"What do you think he's doing here? He knew you'd be here tonight," Varric said.

She let out a groan. "I don't want to deal with this bullshit tonight."

"Look who else just walked in," Varric said and Fenris looked up to see Anders strolling in, his eyes on Marian.

"Now _tha_t's a pleasant surprise," Marian responded, smiling warmly at the Abomination.

Fenris took another sip of his wine, watching Anders make his way across the room to plant a kiss on her cheek.

"Anything new?" Anders asked while sitting down in the chair next to Marian.

"Just the ex harassing her," Varric replied before taking another sip of his beer.

Anders surveyed the bar before locking eyes with the target.

"Do you want me to get rid of him, Marian?" Anders asked, murmuring in her ear. Fenris placed his wine glass down, afraid he would break it.

"Let's just have a fun night, drink some ales, I'll lose all my money to you guys as always, and no ex-lover drama. But, thanks for the offer."

She gave him an appreciative smile, and Fenris watched the mage's hand fold around hers. "If that changes, let me know."

Fenris' eyes were glued to their hands touching, Marian not pulling away from Anders' touch. Blue wisps trailed between their linked fingers as his hand began to slowly stroke up her arm, the healing magic following. She let out a barely audible sigh of relief. The mage then casually placed his arm around Marian who winked at him in return.

Fenris had seen enough. After their fight on the Wounded Coast, Fenris had been sure that she was still his. But, now that Anders was here, he wasn't so sure. He stood up to leave when Isabela walked out of her room and into the bar. What made him stay was Marian's reaction. She instantly seized up and although she tried to appear the picture of calm she was failing miserably, tension oozing out of her.

After ordering a shot of whiskey, Isabela realized the guardsman was there. She approached him, saying, "Look who we have here, one of my favorite diversions in this city."

Hearing Isabela's words, Fenris realized Marian was now staring down at her own hands, while Anders moved closer to her in a show of support.

Varric and Anders looked at Marian gauging her expression. "So, are you going to deal out the cards, Varric?" she asked lightheartedly before raising her hand calling over the server. The woman spotted her, and Marian held up four fingers. The woman nodded, acknowledging the order before walking away.

Isabela settled herself on the guard's lap, she attempted to twirl his hair when he stood up abruptly, dumping her on the floor. He looked spooked and shuffled his way through the crowd over to the bar, buying himself another drink. Shocked by the behavior, Isabela followed him, asking, "What was that for?"

Nervously gulping down his drink he spat, "Get away from me, wench."

Ewald's eyes then locked with Marian's and they were so full of remorse, Fenris _almost_ felt pity for him.

Almost.

While Varric dealt out the hand, Anders leaned over, whispering something to Marian, tucking her hair behind her ear. Fenris gripped the table's edge, his knuckles turning white, fighting to stay in control of his emotions.

"Fine, if you're going to be that way," Isabela yelled back, moving towards the group's table.

She sat down next to Fenris. "What have you been up to lately?" she purred in his ear. Fenris turned his gaze fractionally towards Marian seeing her from his peripheral vision. She had gone pale.

The band that was set to play that night came in and took their places. Another wine glass later and they started up.

"Where's Merrill?" Hawke asked fidgeting with her cards.

"She'll be here any minute," Varric replied.

The drinks came then, Marian paying for them. She looked up forcing a smile. "Sorry, Isabela I ordered the drinks not knowing you'd be joining us. Next round will be on me."

"Oh that's alright, kitten," Isabela replied easily, "I'll just drink up the lanky elf next to me, if that's alright with you."

"That's between you and Fenris," Marian forced out refusing to look up from the cards in her hand.

"I fold," Anders said. "After this round, do you want to dance?"

Marian looked up realizing Anders was addressing her. She nodded her head, accepting.

She played the round out, losing as she normally did.

Marian was terrible at cards because she was bad at bluffing. Fenris had always liked that about her.

Fenris watched the two dance with a look of disinterest. He could feel Isabela staring intently at his face.

"Well, I'll be damned," he heard Isabela say.

"Broody, are you alright?" Varric asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because I've called your name five times with no response," Varric informed him.

"He's got a thing for Hawke it seems," Isabela nearly shouted. "I can't believe I've never seen it before."

"I do not!" Fenris shouted in protest.

"So, you don't care that she's dancing with Anders?" Isabela asked.

"Why would I care what she's doing? Hawke and I are companions who occasionally fight. That's all."

"Good," Varric countered, "then you won't do anything stupid like go pummel Anders for having his hands all over her."

"I have plenty of reasons for hurting Anders and none of them have to do with Marian."

The dwarf was chuckling and Fenris was starting to see red. He was being played with by both of the rogues, he was sure of it.

At that moment, Anders dipped Marian and when bringing her back up, placed his hand suggestively on her lower back. Another whisper in her ear, their bodies touching, a laugh from Marian, and Fenris…

He realized what had happened after he heard the sound of breaking glass. Looking down, he found shards in his hands. The noise was too loud for most of the bar to hear, but the people near his table heard and were all staring at him. Marian's eyebrow quirked.

"My apologies," he said, placing the rest of the glass on the table.

"Fenris, you're bleeding," Marian said, her voice full of concern.

"I'm fine," he said, unable to look at her.

"No, you're not," she replied and when Fenris looked up, she was standing next to him, his hand now in hers. "You have glass in your hand."

"It's nothing," he replied, his throat dry.

"Sit down, so I can remove it."

"Leave me be, woman," he shot back, removing his hand from hers abruptly.

Her eyes narrowed. "Don't be a baby. Let me take the glass out and bandage it."

The acerbic tone was back in her voice and it caused him to stand up quickly, his face near hers. "Leave me be."

"I have a pair of tweezers to help you remove the glass," Isabela offered.

Hawke leaned in to Fenris' ear, "I hope she embeds the glass further into your hand, you heartless prick."

Marian untied her coin purse from her belt placing it down on the table. "What I would have lost tonight in cards. Drinks on me. Good night guys," she said her eyes moving back and forth between Varric and Anders.

She began leaving, already at the door.

"She shouldn't be walking alone at night," Anders said to Varric before chasing after Hawke.

He caught up to her, wrapping his arm around her neck as the two walked out together.

Varric turned, placing the bag of coin in his pocket. He turned towards the elf, irritated. "Nice one, Broody."

At that moment, Merrill walked in. She looked at their faces, blinking innocently. "I missed something, didn't I? I'm always missing something!"

Varric let out a long sigh, "Have a seat, Daisy."

….

Several days later, Fenris was sent a note by messenger from Varric. Opening it, he stumbled through the words. Varric had been smart enough to keep the note simple.

_F-_

_Come to the Hanged Man at 3. New information on Danarius._

_-V_

Fenris grabbed his greatsword. Strapping it on his back, he was already out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

When Fenris walked into Varric's room at the Hanged Man, Marian was standing across from Isabela and Varric. Anders was hovering over Hawke, and the two looked disheveled- from their uncombed hair to the way their clothes appeared hastily thrown on. Hawke was even without make-up, a sight even Fenris had rarely seen.

Marian looked irate, waving a piece of paper around in her hand. "_This_ was your so called emergency? We ran up here thinking that you were in trouble."

The dwarf held out his hands defensively, "Hawke, you need to talk things out with Isabela and Fenris. I'm not exactly sure why you and Fenris are at each other's throats, but something's not right."

"So, there's no news on Danarius then," said Fenris flatly.

"You're early. You weren't supposed to be here for another hour, Broody," Varric replied, keeping his eyes on Hawke.

"I don't have time for your games, Varric," Marian replied before turning for the door.

"Just hear Isabela out. She has an explanation for what she did," Varric said.

"That's just it, Varric. I don't care why." Hawke threw the words over her shoulder before leaving, Anders at her heels.

"Hawke, wait!" Isabela shouted, hurrying after her.

"Shit," Varric muttered as he and Fenris chased after them.

Isabela finally caught up to her, her hand on her arm. Marian turned towards her, glaring so murderously it caused even Fenris to cringe inwardly.

"Marian, he was cheating on you," Isabela began, and Fenris noticed the slightest quivering in her lower lip. He was shocked to realise that the pirate truly was upset about the situation despite how she acted outwardly. Hawke's folded her arms, her expression icy. Anders stood next to Hawke mimicking her body language, and from the closeness of their bodies, Fenris realized that there was something different- an intimacy between the two that made Fenris clench his fists tightly.

"He was. I found him in Smitty's Tavern. Ewald was renting out a room with some girl. When he left I confronted him about it. He bought me a drink and started talking. Once he started he wouldn't shut up." She placed her hand on her hip, rolling her eyes. "He gushed on and on about how madly in love he was with you but the kinky stuff you guys did in the bedroom was really starting to eat at him." Her eyebrow quirked as a playful smile set in. "And the stuff he described, I'm really impressed. I had no idea you had it in you. I nearly spat my drink out when he told me about the time he tied you up and then poured hot wax all over your body. You screamed bloody murder and begged him for more! You had a whole prisoner/guardsman role-playing thing going on. That was hot!"

In an emotionless tone, Marian said, "I'm waiting for your point."

"But, that_ is_ my point. He's not good enough for you. So I slept with him, let it get around that we were rutting and waited for it to get back to you. Then you'd see he wasn't worth the mud on your boots and move on." Isabela sighed. "But no one told you. They all decided it was best not to get involved." She eyed the three men standing there irritably. "Cowards."

The pirate's gaze softened and she suddenly looked strangely vulnerable. "So, you do forgive me, right? I was just trying to look out for you."

Marian shook her head in disbelief. "Good bye, Varric," she said turning towards the dwarf before leaving the tavern with Anders in tow.

"She is going to forgive me, right?" Asked Isabela.

The dwarf shook his head. "I honestly don't know."

Fenris headed for the door without bothering to reply.

…_._

Fenris walked to Hightown, ignoring the glares of passers-by. Knocking on Marian's door, he waited. And waited.

No answer.

He let himself in to find the house devoid of its usual chaotic activity- Orana and Bodahn scampering about, Leandra directing the servants, Sandal dancing with the mabari.

It was eerily quiet, only the gentlest rumblings of conversation coming from upstairs. He crept up the staircase, finding Marian on her desk, Anders standing between her open legs. Anders brushed back a strand of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

"….I did close the clinic thinking we'd be gone all afternoon," Anders said.

"You did," Marian replied.

Anders placed random kisses on her face-her forehead, her closed eyelid, her cheek, the tip of her nose, before sighing and resting his forehead against hers. "Templars are patrolling around the sewers. That's the third raid this month."

"Then why don't you just stay here? I have plenty of room." Opening the drawer to her desk, she pulled out a key on a broken chain. Fenris recognized it immediately as the one Marian had taken from Ewald. She slid the necklace off, handing the key to Anders.

"My cellar door empties out right next to your clinic," she said, smiling warmly.

"Marian, are you sure?" Anders glanced at the key in his palm before meeting her gaze.

"Am I missing something? You need a place to stay and I have room. What's the problem?" She picked up the decanter sitting on the table and poured herself a drink. Marian offered, but Anders shook his head.

"What's your mother going to say?" he asked, anxiety seeping into his voice.

"Anders, it's my home not the other way around. She'll adjust."

"Besides, she likes you. You remind her of my father."

He smiled at the comment and when Marian turned to place her tumbler down, Fenris finally made eye contact with Hawke.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, throwing the words over Anders' shoulder. "And why are you glowing?"

Fenris glanced down, realizing that his lyrium was in fact lit up. "I wish to speak to you."

Anders, looking back and forth between the two, said, "I'm going to pack my stuff up at the clinic. I'll be back after I close." The mage left hurriedly, glaring at Fenris when he was sure Marian couldn't catch him before descending the stairs.

Fenris walked into the bedroom as Marian picked up the glass, inhaling the liquid in one pull. Placing it down, she asked, "What can I do for you?"

"What is wrong with you?" he asked before stepping into the room.

She blinked rapidly. "Excuse me?"

"I know that your arm and your side are weakening. It's getting worse."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm in perfect health."

Fenris moved quickly, taking the place of where Anders had just been standing, pressing his body against hers hard. "What is wrong?"

She slapped him so hard that his face already stung before her fingers were parted from his skin. "Does it seem like anything is wrong with my arm?" She shouted angrily, her eyes sparkling defiantly. "Let me go!" She began to wriggle, trying to free herself.

He slid his hands up her throat, ever so slightly squeezing underneath her chin. She stilled instantly, her eyes darkening with desire.

"Tell me," he repeated.

"Don't you have a pirate skank waiting for you?" She spat.

His gauntleted finger slid across her cheek. "No."

She searched his face hoping to ascertain the meaning of his reply. He gave her nothing, however, his face stoic. As far as he was concerned, this conversation wasn't about Hawke receiving answers.

"Has Anders become your new lap dog? He certainly seems to follow you everywhere. " His fingers slid down her face and throat resting at the base.

"Don't trouble yourself with my affairs." She spat the words at him.

"I don't like him touching you, Marian."

"That's not your call, Fenris."

He decided to switch topics. "Why do you need Anders to heal you if something isn't wrong?"

Hoping to distract her from lying, Fenris unfastened her armor, pulling it back to reveal her skin underneath. Sliding it off her body, she gazed up at him with hooded eyes.

Collecting her hair with one hand, he began kissing down her neck. Reaching the base, his lips felt a small indentation in her skin. Pulling back, Fenris saw tiny scars from the bite mark he left the first night they spent together.

"Why do you have this scar?" he asked, his fingers gliding over the mark. "Why didn't you heal yourself after I left? If you had, there wouldn't be a scar."

"I wanted a reminder of what not to do again," she spoke the words through gritted teeth.

"So, sleeping with me was a mistake then?"

"Yes, next time I'll choose someone _worthy_."

He grabbed her by the waist and lifted her over his shoulder, walking to the bed's edge.

"What are you doing?" Her voice didn't conceal her excitement.

Fenris knew on the posts of her bed were manacles, placed there from her time with Ewald. Placing her down, he forced her legs open and into position. Securing both ankles with the leather straps, Fenris then turned to her wrists. "You will remain here until I say differently."

She closed her eyes, blushing furiously as she nodded. Walking over to Marian's nightstand, Fenris opened the drawer to take out her beauty mask. He slid it over her head, covering her eyes.

"Now tell me what is wrong."

She wordless shook her head.

Fenris growled as he pulled his gauntlet off, throwing it on the ground. Unstrapping her breastband, Fenris began pinching her nipples while pulling them, gauging how much by her moans. After they were swollen and bright red, he then drew her nipple into his mouth, his tongue massaging away the pain his fingers had caused.

When he pulled away he asked again, "I want to know."

"Nothing worth noting." Her voice was shaky, her breathing erratic.

Sliding his hand down her body, Fenris slipped a digit inside her, while his thumb stroked her clit. He slipped another in, relishing how wet and warm she was. Hawke's body was trembling, her limbs fighting against the restraints. He pulled his fingers out of her red lace panties, moving away.

"If you tell me what is wrong, I will continue."

A sharp keen escaped her. "It's really not important, a minor thing," she breathed.

"Then you should have no problem answering me."

He slid his hand back underneath her panties, rubbing his thumb against her clit his fingers sliding in searching…

He knew the moment he found it as she screamed out, begging him for more. "Fenris, please."

Fenris continued brushing his fingertips against her insides, his thumb gliding in circles, his tongue flickering over a nipple.

She began shouting incoherently as he felt her walls begin to tighten.

Fenris pulled away from her, listening to her shout a string of profanities.

"One way or another, you will tell me," he informed her.

She pulled against her restraints. "So you can hold it against me? Why is it important?"

"I will know why that filthy animal has his hands on you, and why you insist on spending your days in that rat infested clinic."

Her head cocked sideways, as a wicked grin spread on her lips. "You're jealous?"

"You will either tell me what I want to know, or I will leave you here for Anders to find you," Fenris threatened.

"You wouldn't," Marian challenged, her eyes widening.

Leaning over, he whispered into her ear, "Try me."

"Escaping Lothering, we encountered an ogre; the same one that Varric loves to tell stories about. He charged towards Aveline, and I jumped in front of her. My entire side was crushed. How I didn't get Blight sickness from the darkspawn touching me, I don't know. But if Flemeth hadn't come along there was no way I would have survived. My entire right side has nerve damage. Some days, it's numb. Other days, I'm in constant pain. Anders has helped me from the beginning. He recognized it nearly immediately."

"You stepped between Aveline and the ogre to save her."

Hawke nodded.

As soon as the shock wore off, the anger set in. "How did Anders notice?"

"My right hand casts spells slower than my left hand. He realized it in battle and talked to me about it privately. After I explained, he began working with me, covering up the injury, helping me with the pain, keeping it from getting worse. I helped him with research about Justice in return, so he could gain control of the spirit." she asked, irritated.

"Why am I just finding out about this now?" he demanded from her, fear and anger rising.

"I had no intention of ever telling you. I have no idea how you found out in the first place. Just like I have no idea how you knew where my night mask was, or that these straps were on my bed post."

She let out a sigh. "Will you take my blindfold off now?"

"No."

"What do you mean no?" Marian began yanking against the restraints.

"You will remain this way until Anders comes home. Once he sees you and I here together, you are to get rid of him. Then, I'll give you your release."

"You son of a-!"

Fenris stood closer to her, his hand caressing the swell of her breast. "I want him gone."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth, the bedroom door flew open.

"Marian, honey, your friend met me in the marketplace and escorted me home," Leandra said.

"Listen, Marian, I wanted to apologize about before. I brought us some wine. It's not really my-"

Fenris looked up to see Varric and Marian's mother standing at the door. Their mouths were agape as the bottle dropped from his hand.

He covered his eyes with his hands quickly, "Maker, I can't _unsee_ that."

"Marian, what are you doing, and with an _elf_! How am I supposed to marry you off when you behave this way?" Leandra shouted, her hands raised in frustration.

Fenris peered at the door to see Varric peeking out through his fingers.

"Turn around, dwarf!" Fenris growled.

He quickly spun while Fenris began unfastening Marian from her bindings. "Have you forgotten how to knock?" Marian spat, ignoring her mother's question.

"No, it's just- we all come and go as we please here. I wasn't thinking," Varric muttered.

"Well, I certainly didn't think I'd walk in to this!" Leandra shouted indignantly. "I didn't think there was a need to knock!"

"Mother, I do not wish to marry. _You _wish for me to marry. I will do what I wish with whom I please. All you need to concern yourself with is that the bills are paid, and your reputation is in good standing with the other catty bitches of Hightown."

"Language, Marian!" Leandra admonished before leaving the room.

Fenris could hear Marian's mother calling for Bodahn to bring her a strong tonic for her nerves.

"So, how long has this been going on for? I was sure you and Blondie…I saw him in the Hightown market a few minutes ago. Strange, he's never up here," Varric said.

"Um Varric, can we talk about this some other time like when I'm dressed. I don't want Anders coming in and seeing me like this."

"What do you mean?" The curiosity in Varric's voice was unmistakable.

"Anders lives here now," Fenris replied in a dark tone.

The dwarf guffawed. "And to think I almost missed _this_."

"I'm so pleased you find my personal life hilarious, Varric." Marian spat while putting on the robe Fenris threw to her. "It's really not a big deal. The Templars are more active hunting for him. I offered the guest room. I didn't think he'd be packed so quickly, though."

She glanced at Fenris standing near her armoire. He ran a hand through his hair before starting for the window. Halfway there, he picked up his thrown gauntlet.

"We'll continue this, once Anders is gone," Fenris said before slipping out her window.

…..

A/N: Huge thanks to Strangegibbon for all of the RD's I put her through. Her editing skills are just unreal. She has my deepest gratitude.

Thanks to all the reviewers, lurkers, subscribers, and people who have favorited this story.

Reviews=love. I really enjoy reading your thoughts!


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